I Have Only Just Begun Walking the Right Path of Life
Later, I received God’s exaltation and became a leader of the church. When I encountered issues in the beginning, I would often listen to suggestions from sisters and brothers, and did not care about how others would think of me. But it did not take long for my desire of pursuing fame and fortune to begin to expand again. Since I started fulfilling this duty earlier than the other leader in the church, sisters and brothers would naturally come to me more when there was an issue. Gradually, I started getting carried away and thought that I was still superior to that sister. When in meetings with that sister, I would always talk about some seemingly important doctrines to show off and win recognition and admiration from sisters and brothers, as well as to make them feel that I was better than her. Once, during a small group meeting, a thought came to my mind after the sister had just communicated for a little while: I must communicate more, or else sisters and brothers would think I am not as good as her.
Thus, I butted in when there was a pause and began communicating non-stop. Just as I was really getting into it, a brother beside me interrupted me: “We can’t just talk about empty doctrines. We should communicate some practical experiences and knowledge so as to supply sisters and brothers.” After listening to the brother’s words, I felt as though I had been slapped in public. With my face flushed, I thought: I had originally intended to say a few extra words so that sisters and brothers will rate me highly, but now it has gotten so embarrassing for me! At the time, I wanted to find a hole in the ground to hide in. Just as I was feeling tortured inside, the brother read a passage from God’s word: “some people particularly idolize Paul: They like to give speeches and work outside. They like to meet together and speak; they like when people listen to them, worship them, surround them. They like to have stature in the minds of others and appreciate when others value their image. … If he really behaves in this way, then that is enough to show that he is arrogant and conceited. He does not worship God at all; he seeks high status, and he wants to have authority over others, to possess them, to have stature in their minds. This is a classic image of Satan. What stands out about his nature is arrogance and conceit, unwillingness to worship God, and a desire for the worship of others” (“How to Know Man’s Nature” in Records of Christ’s Talks With Leaders and Workers of the Church). Every word of God’s judgment was like a needle stabbing into my heart, making me even more ashamed. I recalled that before I believed in God, I particularly enjoyed being admired by everyone, and strived with my heart and soul to stand out and become a strong and successful woman. After this dream was shattered, I thought I could fulfill my dream of the fame, fortune, and status in the church. Especially during this period, I secretly competed against that sister in order to make sisters and brothers look up to me. On the surface, I was competing for status against a person, but in substance, I was competing for status against God. This is because those who believe in God should look up to God, worship Him, and give God a place in their hearts. Instead, I wanted to have a place in the hearts of sisters and brothers, and have them look up to me and worship me. Isn’t this blatant resistance of God? Only before the facts was I able to see that my nature is against God. If I do not experience God’s chastisement and judgment and achieve no change in my disposition, then even if I appear to be passionately and actively expending for God on the outside, I am in fact doing evil and resisting God. At the same time, I saw clearly that Satan corrupts mankind by instilling toxins into their minds and souls in various ways, making them scramble for fame, fortune, and status, and through this makes them gradually stray from God, betray God, and eventually drags them into hell. Thinking of this, I could not help but become afraid, and I also started to despise my blindness and foolishness, my deep corruption, and the satanic toxins that had taken root deep inside me. If I had not been under the dominion of fame, fortune, and status, I would not have been under the control of any person, occurrence, or thing, and would have only sought to satisfy God through fulfilling my duty as a created creature. If I had not been controlled by fame, fortune, and status, I would have, through fulfilling my duty, focused on exalting God, witnessing God, and bringing sisters and brothers before Him. If I had not been controlled by fame, fortune, and status, I would not have lived in depression and torment every day, unable to enjoy the relief and happiness brought by the truth. If I had not been controlled by fame, fortune, and status, I would have established normal relationships with sisters and brothers and supported and helped each other in spirit, rather than using a facade to deceive others for their trust and admiration. … This was all because of Satan’s toxins, which had harmed me up to that very day. Satan really is too despicable and too evil. It absolutely is a soul-devouring demon! Under the enlightenment and guidance of God, I developed the will and courage to forsake my flesh and practice the truth. So I prayed to God: “Oh God! It is the harm of fame, fortune, and status that has put me in today’s situation. To pursue these things, I left Your requirements behind, disobeying and resisting You over and over again and making You sad and disgusted. I now hate these things from the bottom of my heart. I will forsake them and thoroughly abandon them. May You guide me in my future path.” Since then, I have kept a much lower profile, and during meetings I would start to focus on talking about my actual experiences. When sisters and brothers had problems, I would consciously open my heart to communicate with them about the times I actually ran into problems myself and the enlightenment and guidance of God’s words, so that they may understand God’s intentions and recognize God’s love. When I acted this way, I felt more at ease and illuminated inside my heart, making every day especially fulfilling.
Thus, I butted in when there was a pause and began communicating non-stop. Just as I was really getting into it, a brother beside me interrupted me: “We can’t just talk about empty doctrines. We should communicate some practical experiences and knowledge so as to supply sisters and brothers.” After listening to the brother’s words, I felt as though I had been slapped in public. With my face flushed, I thought: I had originally intended to say a few extra words so that sisters and brothers will rate me highly, but now it has gotten so embarrassing for me! At the time, I wanted to find a hole in the ground to hide in. Just as I was feeling tortured inside, the brother read a passage from God’s word: “some people particularly idolize Paul: They like to give speeches and work outside. They like to meet together and speak; they like when people listen to them, worship them, surround them. They like to have stature in the minds of others and appreciate when others value their image. … If he really behaves in this way, then that is enough to show that he is arrogant and conceited. He does not worship God at all; he seeks high status, and he wants to have authority over others, to possess them, to have stature in their minds. This is a classic image of Satan. What stands out about his nature is arrogance and conceit, unwillingness to worship God, and a desire for the worship of others” (“How to Know Man’s Nature” in Records of Christ’s Talks With Leaders and Workers of the Church). Every word of God’s judgment was like a needle stabbing into my heart, making me even more ashamed. I recalled that before I believed in God, I particularly enjoyed being admired by everyone, and strived with my heart and soul to stand out and become a strong and successful woman. After this dream was shattered, I thought I could fulfill my dream of the fame, fortune, and status in the church. Especially during this period, I secretly competed against that sister in order to make sisters and brothers look up to me. On the surface, I was competing for status against a person, but in substance, I was competing for status against God. This is because those who believe in God should look up to God, worship Him, and give God a place in their hearts. Instead, I wanted to have a place in the hearts of sisters and brothers, and have them look up to me and worship me. Isn’t this blatant resistance of God? Only before the facts was I able to see that my nature is against God. If I do not experience God’s chastisement and judgment and achieve no change in my disposition, then even if I appear to be passionately and actively expending for God on the outside, I am in fact doing evil and resisting God. At the same time, I saw clearly that Satan corrupts mankind by instilling toxins into their minds and souls in various ways, making them scramble for fame, fortune, and status, and through this makes them gradually stray from God, betray God, and eventually drags them into hell. Thinking of this, I could not help but become afraid, and I also started to despise my blindness and foolishness, my deep corruption, and the satanic toxins that had taken root deep inside me. If I had not been under the dominion of fame, fortune, and status, I would not have been under the control of any person, occurrence, or thing, and would have only sought to satisfy God through fulfilling my duty as a created creature. If I had not been controlled by fame, fortune, and status, I would have, through fulfilling my duty, focused on exalting God, witnessing God, and bringing sisters and brothers before Him. If I had not been controlled by fame, fortune, and status, I would not have lived in depression and torment every day, unable to enjoy the relief and happiness brought by the truth. If I had not been controlled by fame, fortune, and status, I would have established normal relationships with sisters and brothers and supported and helped each other in spirit, rather than using a facade to deceive others for their trust and admiration. … This was all because of Satan’s toxins, which had harmed me up to that very day. Satan really is too despicable and too evil. It absolutely is a soul-devouring demon! Under the enlightenment and guidance of God, I developed the will and courage to forsake my flesh and practice the truth. So I prayed to God: “Oh God! It is the harm of fame, fortune, and status that has put me in today’s situation. To pursue these things, I left Your requirements behind, disobeying and resisting You over and over again and making You sad and disgusted. I now hate these things from the bottom of my heart. I will forsake them and thoroughly abandon them. May You guide me in my future path.” Since then, I have kept a much lower profile, and during meetings I would start to focus on talking about my actual experiences. When sisters and brothers had problems, I would consciously open my heart to communicate with them about the times I actually ran into problems myself and the enlightenment and guidance of God’s words, so that they may understand God’s intentions and recognize God’s love. When I acted this way, I felt more at ease and illuminated inside my heart, making every day especially fulfilling.
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I Have Only Just Begun Walking the Right Path of Life
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After experiencing God’s judgment and chastisement and being dealt with and pruned by Him time after time, I began to have some real knowledge of my satanic nature. Whenever I faced things such as fame, fortune, status, and face again, I would consciously pray to God and cooperate with Him, and forsake my flesh and practice the truth. One time, a sister in a neighboring church was not in a good situation. After hearing of this, we often went over to communicate with her and had heart-to-heart talks. After a while, her situation improved and she began actively cooperating with gospel work. Among the new believers she brought in, there was one who really hungered for the truth and also progressed very quickly. We therefore intended to cultivate her as a church leader for new believers. At this time, the neighboring church wrote to us, requesting that the sister go over there to perform her duty. I was extremely reluctant inside, but then I had a second thought: The churches are an integrated whole. What God wants is a corporate expression. No matter which church the new believer attends, as long as she can fulfill her duty, it will be something that comforts God’s heart. Wasn’t my previous thinking still for the sake of fame, fortune, and status? Wasn’t I still focused on my personal image and face? This reminded me of God’s words: “Cruel, brutal mankind! The conniving and intrigue, the jostling with each other, the scramble for reputation and fortune, the mutual slaughter—when will it ever end? God has spoken hundreds of thousands of words, yet no one has come to their senses. They act for the sake of their families, and sons and daughters, for their careers, prospects, status, vanity, and money, for the sake of clothes, for food and the flesh—whose actions are truly for the sake of God? Even among those whose actions are for the sake of God, there are but few who know God. How many do not act for the sake of their own interests? How many do not oppress and discriminate against others for the sake of maintaining their own status?” (“The Wicked Must Be Punished” in The Word Appears in the Flesh). Right! Look at my conduct and behavior. I was always going after the fame and fortune, none of which was for God. How selfish I was! I enjoyed God’s exaltation and kindness, but I tried painstakingly and racked my brain every day to gain fame, fortune, and status. Though I believed in God in name, I did not act in accordance with God’s intentions and requirements, and did not in essence obey God at all. God’s measure of whether man sincerely believes in God is not based on his outward behavior or the appraisal of others, but on whether he can put down the things in his heart that are not compatible with God’s intentions when things befall him, whether he can think in the best interests of the church, and whether he can satisfy and love God in everything. After understanding God’s intentions, my heart suddenly became cheerful, and I immediately transferred this new believer to the neighboring church.
After experiencing God’s work for several years, I understood more clearly: Fame, fortune, and status are tricks used by Satan to fool people and chains used to bind people. People living under its domain can only be bound and fooled by it, without any freedom whatsoever. On the other hand, God’s word is the truth, the way, and the life. People living under God’s word are living in the light and the blessings of God. Man will be able to experience the relief and freedom of living before God as long as he puts in some effort to meet God’s requirements and practice the truth as God asks. Looking back at the pain and suffering that fame, fortune, and status has brought me, then at the salvation work God has performed on me, I really feel appreciative toward and indebted to God. To rescue me from the bondage of fame, fortune, and status, God elaborately arranged various environments, people, things, and occurrences, and led and guided me step by step using His practical work, allowing me to walk on the right path of life. Every environment and every manifestation was all elaborately planned by God, and behind each lies God’s great love for me. After experiencing chastisement and judgment over and over again, I gradually saw the reality of my corruption. I also gained knowledge of God’s practical work, saw God’s holiness, greatness, and selflessness, and felt deeply God’s thought and care in saving mankind. In my future experiences, I shall be more willing to accept God’s chastisement and judgment, His trials and refinements, so that my corrupt disposition can be thoroughly cleansed and changed as soon as possible, and so I can genuinely live out a meaningful and valuable life!
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